Just 'kill' me...

My body ached the whole day today, my cuts are itching at times. I can't even cough or laugh, if I did my whole abdominal just aches and also when I walk the part right above the ankle is aching too...Damn! Been little ignored today, who cares anyway...The worst thing happened today is that I have this chemistry lesson which lasts about 1 hour++, it is totally seriously boring...I wanna fall asleep but can't because of that crappy teacher, it's like a torture! I am hoping that some one would just 'kill' me...Today's weather is rather cold because of the rain...

Yeah today is Linkin Park's Birthday...So happy birthday guys! Remeber I will be right behind you guys no matter what...The presents I will have to wait till you guys come over here to have a concert...Ok cut the crapping around...My life is really boring, so here it goes again...Feeling rather tired today, as I did not get enough sleep yesterday. I did a really silly thing again like last week, I wore my T-shirt and forgot my shorts but I run back and got it on and so this cost me my time...I then booked a taxi, which is really really expensive...I felt guity that my mum gave me the money to pay for the transport because it all my idioltic fault...Ran five rounds for PE(Physical Education), and also did 30 sit ups got really beat up...Got english remidial lesson...And my stupid crave for food made me waste a total of $8 dollars of crap stuffs and now I only left $5 for my pocket money savings(I am not a good saver). The cuts I made yesterday is itching, don't worry guys it is only a very very light cut I did not bleed, I am just fiddling around with the pen knife,by the way I am not suicidal. I fear death but I like to mulitate myself...

Outta control

Once again this time of the week I have tuition, math tuition...For 2 hours, it's boring as always, but at least I am learning something so it's not wasting my time. Had lots of prawns this month, damn I am getting fatter and fatter each day, too much cholestrol intake. Gotta do more exercises to burn those stupid fats of mine, push myself to the limits...Ealier on in the msn conference I think 'I' went outta control, I said things outta the limit...Hmm or maybe I am not...Because that guy is a petty person, I am doing this as it is vice versa. I think I maybe alittle mean, because after doing it I still feel happy about it. So anyway who cares...I am not born in this world to make everyone to be pleased with me right?

Changing and changing...

It rained whole day today...But I still feel hot...As usual I slack infront of the computer...Anyway I planned to 'celebrate' my birthday early one month because of the mid-year exams I have during May and that stupid important chinese exam I have...I know I sure flunk it in the end. I decide to turn back to the old me because it seemed better than the new me...It dosen't mean that I don't love God anymore I still do, or don't love my parents or what so ever...It's better to be that old pesstimistic me...Changing to the new me doesn't make any difference at all...I am feeling numb as always. I can't explain the numbness, the feel. Sometimes there is this thing in me that makes me smile but I really can't feel that spur of happiness that overpowering happiness...The truth is I don't like it this way, I wish my feelings will come back...But I have no idea to make it come back in again. I just feel numb...

What a short day

Today school dismissed early,specially for me only :P . Anyway wanted to have lunch with my 'friend' but the place was full so I went home. As the same I slack at the computer till my mum gets back, ask her to go out but she don't wanna because she said I was too late to tell her...So anyway I went out with my another friend to look at some Cds and took some puris(photo stickers a.k.a neoprints). But have to come back before 10:30 PM, because my dad wants me to or else he will ground me...I tried to be early taking the cab but I still reach home late by 10 minutes...Hmm who cares...If he wants to ground me by all means do it...I don't find it irritating or what,I am already seasoned by what he does...For God's sake I am already turning 17 let me make more decisions I am not a kid, cannnot decide what is good or bad...Let me have more freedom! Actually I should be also not using the computer after 11PM too...Dammit those damn rules of his are totally rubbish!

Weird dreams...

Woke up late today...I got physical education today, so I wore my school T-shirt to school but forgot to wear my shorts underneath my skirt! So anyway, I changed into my uniform in school...So anyway got my name written in the discipline file for not wear the attire...And still have to walk 3 rounds in my uniform, feel so weird...Anyway I keep on forgetting to finish my homework, especially english homework...Nothing much happen for today, everything is as the same as always. Boring...Anyway gotta find a way to do english homework not letting my dad know, because he does not let me use the computer first without doing my assignments. I am getting more and more weird dreams...I dream about Mr. Hahn on monday, I dreamt that we are chatting online in the msn and then he left he say he was busy, and then I dream again Mr. Hahn was on this Bachelor reality show...?! What the hell?! And another dream is that people keep on passing me money making me pissed and so I crushed the money, this is a short dream and it's weird...

feelin' lethargic...

Today, we have four periods free because I am neither taking design and technology or food and nutrition...I take 6 subjects altogether...So today feels short...Had an excursion to another school to look at their last year's O level examination art work...WHOA! They are really good and I think I cannot achieve it, now I don't think I can even get a B3...Don't know why today more lonely than all the other days...Maybe because the girl who is in the art class with me is always with her boyfriend...Can't blame them, maybe I should really try to be alone and independent...Now chatting in the msn is not the same again, the friends I used to chat alot replys me only like a very short sentence like 1-3 words only, not even like sentence...Maybe I should get use to this...I guess everbody will soon turn like this...I wonder if I have any attitude problem because I can't seem to make friends though I tried very hard to be like one of them and what they expects of me, trying to get closer to them they just making this invincible barrier and like keep pushing me away and like ignoring me... I asked Yenn whether I do have a problem, she say nope that is why she is still hanging out with me...Felt relieved...I think they are the people who dosen't worth my time or commitment of being friends with. I am not trying to say that I don't have any attitude problems or I am perfect, I may have a bit of a problem and I do have a few personalities and after all I am a human I am not perfect or flawless. I am not being deperate to have friend it is just that I hope there is someone who I can hang out with and can be friends and do fun things together like maybe going to the movies or like just hang out together a good memory or something, because the secondary school life is already not a good memory for me...

I found out that some people who have attitude problem have a very hard time making friends, even they just wanting to chat with the others it is already a big problem...Because people just dislikes the way they talk to people or there is just this negative energy of this attitude person makes people feels negative towards them. People with attitude problem always this that they are like almost perfect, they thinks that their this so called 'concept' is correct but typically wrong...Hmmm no it's very very wrong, that is why it is hard to interact with this kind of attitude people...So if they wanna have friends they will just have to start changing themselves first, stop thinking too highly of themselves and all those stupid 'concepts', and let nature takes it course...

Feeling rather lethargic now better get some 'beauty sleep'...

Beat up...

Today is the start of the 2nd semester, hand fun today...In school and out...Went out with Neal first to get Yenn birthday present, but just can't find one which is something that she likes and also don't know what she likes that why it's hard...Then when Yenn come we had dinner, I had an unusual dinner we went shopping...But we bought nothing...Feeling really beat up today, because yesterday I slept at about 2 a.m about to 3...Oh yeah found Emily figure I damn like it alot...

Confused

Am I that irritating, am I such a nuisance? Am I that surplus? Why is people giving me the attitude I did not even do anything to them...Why they want to treat me like that? And another thing I finally found out that I have 3 personalities in me...I keep on changing time to time....I cried again I don't know for what...I really don't know...Lots of shit problem happends in this week...Don't feel like sayining anymore...My existence now is only for my parents...

Can't forget...

There isn't much happening today, just went out with my mum, 3rd aunt and her daughter which is as know as my baby cousin at about 2pm. In the morning I did the usual slacking at my computer trying to fix my blog. We went to Ikea and then to Raffles City...Kinda tired yet not feeling tired my brain is fickle minded you know...Kept yawning and shedding tears...Thinking about what happened yesterday, making me little irritated...I just wanna throw whatever that has happened yesterday out of my mind...Look at the bright side, the lesser friends I have, the lesser the commitment I have to give...It sure save me alot of time and effort...Hope I eventually find someone who I can give my commitment(as in friendship) to, and they are not selfish in giving it back. Nah maybe I don't need, I don't need a friend...Guess soon I will be numb to this kind of stupid friendship problems, I don't wanna care about it anymore...Irritating...

I tried so hard and got so far but in the end it doesn't even matter...I tried to be the flawless for her even though I am so flawed. She's all I have got my only best friend, for I really do cherish her very very very much. But what I have got now is this kind of shit...Am I being too sensitive? I don't know...She always seem to have no time for me, I do appreciate she tries to make time to go out with me...The weird thing is that everytime I ask her if she is free on her birthday she says she have to go somewhere...Now in the holidays(one week) I am very free I ask her out she says she's busy with school stuff, I understand she's in a new school...But what I understand from today is that she does not have school, and her friend is having a sleep over at her house...And her friend is using her Msn messanger telling me they are having a sleep over which is very fun, she pretended to be her at first, after I found out, I said "I got sixth sense not it's guts feeling" she replied that I am -> "a bit slow onli the gut." What is this suppose to mean...? Yeah maybe I am being little sensitive...Now I know how is it to feel that someone you have been treating as a best friend for so long and this shit happends...I am really hurt...I wasted my precious time on her...Hurt me deep so deep I feel like crying, yeah I did in the end cry...I guess I put too much, too much commitment on her...This just makes me more numb more numb...Throwing my faith away...Never gonna trust people anymore...I don't know anymore...I really don't...What are friends? I don't have any friends I really dun have...Though I can be seen quite close to them but the fact is that they are just acquiantance...They just push me away when I wanted to be close to them...I don't know about this anymore, I feel like being backstabbed...Feeling alot alot more lonely than ever........

Nyao!~

Woke up about 9 almost 10 am...My dad is still at home there is still much time, gave me lectures about going for kareoke or singing, a very long one plus scolding for nothing...Went out with my close advisor muii for window shopping, first saw the tragic toys and nightmare before christmas stuffs I wanted and also I found out my the Hyde album I wanted so long in HMV's cd shelve. And I made a amazing discovery that disney's Mulan has a part 2, till now Mulan has been my favourite movie(LOL!). Time for money saving yea? These days I am really poor, spend all my cash on 3 bottles of Japan flavoured soda drinks. Quite interesting because you'll have to pop the marble so that you can drink. I poped it and the drink just flowed out... When we are on our way to take the train we saw Yenn and friends...So we just say hi...Anyway everytime I go out with Muii I will sure to be home in time for dinner!~

Stay away please thank you explosive stuff

Change my blog's background, quite happy with it except the background music though I did not wanted it to be forbidden love...I wanted it to be either READY STEADY GO!, Spirit Dreams Inside or The Reason...I tried all the codes but it all does not seem to work even though I got help from a friend. Hope I will get it fixed...Got pissed of today by the people in msn, most from my school friends group...They feel like replying then reply or just like keep quiet or what so ever, alittle attitude like...plus argh don't wanna say anymore making me mad! Or am I being too sensitive about it? I know sometimes they are busy try to understand...But their attitude !~;`@"_#$-%^&*()+=! I think I better chill down... Forget it...Anyway earlier on I read through my old blog archive, I find what I have written is really ridiculous, embrassing and stupid...Tomorrow I am going out with Muii to window shop, hope it's gonna be fun...Nah we will have a very good time! Muii is the only few people who will want to hang out with me, giving the attention a friend needs...A person to share thoughts and secrets and also a very fun person to be with unlike many of the people I know, she's the only handful people with great personalities I know. They are the few people who makes me feel that my existance is worth while, I really thank God for having them as my friend. But she like my best friend is really busy with their stuffs, hardly can hang out together...That is why I still feel lonely still...Maybe soon I will feel numb to that...

Holidays...

Holidays are here now...I hate holidays, always feel so lonely in holidays. Just now had a quarrel with my mum, damn I hate quarrels...Even after I said sorry to my mum she purposely ignored me or something, though she did answer me but it's like if she is feels happy then she will then answer me...I hate it when she did that...Thinking of it pisses me even more...Found out lotsa things on the internet like Hyde's wife, Megumi who is to me average to ugly looking...You can't blame me, beauty is in the beholder's eyes. And found out Tim Burton's two new up comming movies Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and Corpse Bride gotta go watch it. And also I found out that Mr Hahn(a member of LP) loves frogs alot! Drew some stuff for my art common test, I am gonna frame the pictures up...By the way I drew characters from Tim Burton's "The Melancholy Death of the Oyster Boy and other stories"...Now I got my eyes on Tim Burton's Tragic Toys and Nighmare Before Christmas Collectable stuffs, gonna go lone hunting soon...And hopefully I got someone to ahng out with, but what most probably I can expect is that in the end I am still alone...

Short day...

...What a tiring day...I played the Sims 2 University the whole day today, like any other days...I think shoulda better stop soon before I get out of hand. If the computer worked faster I may have stop ealier because I did not get to my target in the game, the computer takes a damn damn damn long time to load...About 5-15 mintues damn, don't you think that is long? No choice it's better to have a shitty computer than to have no computer at all...Actually my computer ain't shitty just because it is infected with some kind of stupid virus. Everyday is passing too fast...Too fast...Have to complete my art stuffs by tomorrow, don't know what to do...Because I just did a in-si-ween-si tiny little bit. I made sushi for Yenn and Mabel today, felt really happy about it...Ernest tried a piece...All of them said it's great maybe ... :) Had an interesting history class today learing about China's history, I guess I am a boring person...Or maybe not... ~End~

...Pissed

The computer is back the internet is here...But unfortunately the computer is alittle infested by some unknown virus. Some virus scans I used online and downloaded was totally useless they can't detect the virus...There is lots of problem happening like mouse over the all programs but list of programs don't come out, not that is is empty I explored it and it has a few programs in it. Plus the computer works extremely slow like when playing game and all...At times it jams....Very soon I am gonna reformat the computer once and for all wipe all that shitty viruses all out, like flushing them outta the toilet bowl ahahahaha! I got to Marine Parade ealier on to get the Sims 2 University...I got there by bus, I had a tough time man! The bus was really full I had to stand right next to the bus conductor, then when I almost gonna reach the destination there is this woman stand at the right side of me...Keep on bumping into my BUTT! Irritating...Anyway The sims 2 University was really fun...But the timming is not really good ah...Downloaded a few skins from The Offical web, all of the skins were really cool! Especially the Cloud and Aerith ones they were skinned almost alike to the advent children one...So anyway Jack if your reading this please give me ur handphone contact number or something ok I missed you buddy! Okie my time is very up I am supposed ti shut the computer down by 11pm ya...Friends so if u want to chat with me be sure to be online before 11pm ok! Ciao...~

Jack where are you?

The computer and internet is finally up woohoo!~(Finally I am not pissed with my dad ahahaha!) I feel so damn freaking good today man though I have to serve detension today...Everything is going my way...Just that I miss my buddy Jack lots...Oh yeah due to lots of problem I could not update my blog for a long time...My cousin's internet is also down too. So anyway many things happened, eh firstly is the Chinese New Year, hmph...I had a great time eating,eating,eating and collecting eh you know what MONEY ahahaha!~ What I love most...Hmmm ok lets not get too money minded...Missed my buddy terribly Jack, he is so fun to be with...I wonder how is he doing over there at Perth, I guess he will be just fine. Slacking time is over for me, for now i have to study real hard for the 'O' lvl examinations damn! Must make it into at least a polytech, or else I can go and die...But of course all work no play makew Hana a dumb girl ahahaha yeah? Agree?