Changing and changing...

It rained whole day today...But I still feel hot...As usual I slack infront of the computer...Anyway I planned to 'celebrate' my birthday early one month because of the mid-year exams I have during May and that stupid important chinese exam I have...I know I sure flunk it in the end. I decide to turn back to the old me because it seemed better than the new me...It dosen't mean that I don't love God anymore I still do, or don't love my parents or what so ever...It's better to be that old pesstimistic me...Changing to the new me doesn't make any difference at all...I am feeling numb as always. I can't explain the numbness, the feel. Sometimes there is this thing in me that makes me smile but I really can't feel that spur of happiness that overpowering happiness...The truth is I don't like it this way, I wish my feelings will come back...But I have no idea to make it come back in again. I just feel numb...