being at home has an all new meaning for all new conflicts.
every time I'm home I'll always start doing all my shit...and it happends again and again although i remind myself and stuffs. Without control your just 'explodes'

Seriously i feel really bad, making mom angry cause she's the only one person i ever love so deeply for in the whole wide world, it hurts when i sometimes without thinking, doing some actions which makes her frustrated or things that I say would just start a small conflict ending up in a super big conflict. It hurts more when you think actually the whole thing is all your fault, you started it, she gets so damn frustrated she can't breathe well and worst's that you know her health is failing and she's getting older. I really can't help it, i really fucking hate myself. And it always sucks to say sorry for a thousand times when someone just ignores you , that's why aeons ago, im not bothered to say sorry anymore(except for being polite), i know i'm in the wrong but you know it's like so fucking sick and tired.

It feels much better then you start inflicting damage to yourself, feeling that your could lift your guilt, sin and pain, i wanted to slash my wrist like old times but I reached for a sharp pencil instead, continously stabbing my thighs and legs. It really does feel very very much better, though i really can't stop my tears(people with O+ blood tends to be more emo, I can't help it.). It really feel so so so bad words can't really describe it.


I didn't sleep all night drawing dress pattern from a handcraft book I bought long ago, trying to make a rabbit etc, I know I could just close my eyes and sleep in 30 seconds but I can't make myself. My heart is tearing apart, my puffy swollen eyes hurts,


I really wish God don't give me any feelings at all, forgot all about it.
what i wish for now is that today she will be ok with me again, or else i would really sink into another stupid emo great depression... being so fucking pathetic.

I really don't need to go to sleep with this continuous crying seriously.
But anyway, I will still love her as always no matter what, even if she hates me.
Paradoxical isn't it is was saying not having feelings and yet now I still love her.
...Do you get what I mean?



Oh well another episode of my life has just ended, life goes on blah blah blah, stay tunned for more nonsense entries...

taking a break from sewing...doing some pointless stuffs, ok here are some random shit...
in the past post i said i was tidying up, let me show you my manga collection.
oh sorry this is only part of the collection.......


breaking is really in progress.......


im such a miyavi freak fan.......used to.......just keep his stuffs around. 10% still in love with him, well he is such a guitar genius, fast fingers wooo....!


Oh and my cds are not enough, please give me HMV vouchers, kinokuniya will be good too :)

OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG
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OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG
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OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I can't contain my emotions now, my sewing machine is coming in today!!!
8pm!!! okok it might come alittle late....BUT ANYWAY im gonna go run around frantically ok?.
WAHAHAHAHAHA XD

oh yeah im gonna change the blog layout soon so stay tunned :)

VS1I Beach day out + My Birthday :D (Part 1)

it rained lightly, then stopped when we moved... (=_= )

volley ball, boy i suck at that! oh and the sand is like super hot!!!!

hah! this is my personal favourite photo.

group photo 1. oh please don't look at me. LOL ernest is so tiny!

group photo2. im touching the clouds!

faz so sandy~

they always looks o cute together.

moe's face cracks me up. XD

everyone's doing their own thing.

what a birthday!
celebrating with 9 gorgeous people,
with the weatherly changes. it rain, then it was uber hot, then it was damn great, till the sun come out to play.
I liked the cake though i didn't like the coffee, love it because it's sweetly sick with all your love.
it was a great day though it ended alittle sad, because i don't know when we'll ever met again.

totally beat. i can just sleep in a mintue. Back tomorrow for pictures.

a pretty place

Peeling my lips has already become to hobby to me, don't know when i started doing it i just did. Although it's painful and bleeds a shitload, i keep on peeling till it bleeds again and again. Sense of satisfaction... is this the begining of being a psycho? But anway, I stayed up late last night or say this morning, to think and to tidy up...

Did you ever took people for granted? (I know this sound cliché but see it though ok?) Siblings, relatives, friends you have known now, your offspring and generations ahead would not have any relations to them anymore. This fate come once and would not ever come again. Brought up with a Buddhist thinking and now switching to a Christian (back slider), I can't help to think of reincarnation.

Did you ever feel it's sad that you couldn't know the people you know this life, wonderful people. What if your borned someone much different you are now, someone living in some Middle East contry war happends, and strict traditions/religions to abide to. Or someone living in India, an indian woman, living in gender prejudice and the cast system. A Chinese? Eurasian? Causian? Black? Japanese? African? Poor, rich, strict, not bothered, broken, traditional family? What if you are borned not a human but an insect? A plant? An animal? A bacteria? What if you are born in another planet?

I'm constantly thinking about all this questions, sometimes being too overwhelm by it, of course totally freak myself out.

Finally 2 years or waiting...Or three? Linkin Park finally release their new album, minutes to midnight. Watched and listen to What I've Done...KICKASS! But 3 guitarist now like huh?! (did u get what i mean.) Mr. Hahn chubb as ever, Chester is ever hot hot hot. Rob is ALWAYS so cute. Brad looks totally like a hippie...

Damn it's very promising... Buy their CD ok?

Only my parents remebers my birthday, whatever.

If u forgot and you feel guilty just get me a jacket from Don Ed Hardy :)

More HMV vouchers please, i want cds!!!

Oh and R.H.C.P.

it's been a while... I got what i wanted for for a long time... A iPod nano.Btw, if ur figuring what to get me... I would like to get vouchers from HMV,Kinokuniya,Taka or Isetan...Or you could get me The Sims2 expansions after (sims university onwards). LOL am i being to materialistic? Well I think these days nobody really will look at my blog...