Cold and Cold...

Came home about 11:25 P.M. got soclded but my dad because I returned home 25 minutes late. The karaoke session with my classmates just now was fun. Now my tthroat hurts alittle...But luckily my voice still sounds the same. Sang lots of Jay songs especially qi li xiang, xing qing & an jing sang quite a few english songs too. Got a urge to write poetic stuffs... Geez I calculate the today amount I owed Leon and Ernest it was a total of $46?!?! How am I gonna pay them. I had lots of fun during my CCA which is Multimedia club, I was the carelefair doing nothing but still it was fun. My job is just to layout the report the have edited perfectly, say I am a designer of our group...We must outwit the others!


Finally found out a very unfortunate and sad thing about me is that most of the time the person the person will never know I like him and will never love me back...What am I saying..?! I am talking crap again...I need help...I am turning cold blooded...Or maybe turning clod blooded is the right thing for me...

Feel much better than yesterday..My mum and I are fine again...It is good to feel loved again, though I lost my feelings through lots situations. Felt relieved that she said that she will not exggerate the things she say to hurt me anymore. Lots of things happened, one of my relative turn into a very weird and psychotic person...But not those who could be put into the alysum. After tution my mum brought me out for Chinese New Year shopping...Did not find any clothes and pair of shoes that I liked, as I am really picky. Maybe tomorrow I will do some clothes and shoe hunting. Hope tomorrow would be a much better day...Thank Lord for every thing today...

Fears,Sadness and Pain fills me again...

Yesterday morning was really fine, I had a great time with mum...But happiness always does not last for me, it is always temporary...She's a really weird person, somehow she's trying to find stuff to exggerate and make people got outta their limit and get pissed. I cut myself again, I really can't stand the anger...To me cutting myself is a way to release the anger in me. She is also a very weird person, I asked her want to go out about 3-5 times that time she is closing her eyes stonning don't know for what, she should have answered me right instead of keeping quite,so I went to sleep. Maybe next time I should not sleep, my mum also gets pissed if I sleep saying all kinds of shit. But at last we went out peacefully, BUT that peace don't last too. After she done her shopping we went for late dinner, I accidentally forgot to hide the scars she saw and walked of saying and complaining shits. After following her all the way to the taxi lobby of the shopping mall at Plaza Singapura, she gone crazy and cry...Then more complainning and cursing herself, which to me I think it's very very extremely pathetic. So after that she just ask me to go go, go away...go home...like just shoo-ing me away...Feeling hurt, angered I contacted Yenn...I felt so lucky that she's there...She consoled me made me felt much better...Today is the first time I went clubbing, did not really like it because there is lots of cigarette smokes, the flashing lights and most of all I could not dance...I don't mind sitting down drinking stuffs, but please don't ever bring me to the dance floor again...I make a fool of myself at the dance floor. I don't feel like and don't wanna go to tuition tomorrow, feel like why should I go tuition mood...Today everything has turned upside down. What can I say, I was a huge great big mistake to be borned into this world...But somehow I still believe in God...

Time

Many many things happen very fast this week, probably more of good stuffs happening in my life but at the same time here are also bad stuffs...Just now went out with some friends out to city area. Had lotsa fun, taking neoprints and and karaoke session though taking neoprints is rather stuffy...Towards the guy I perviously had a crush on for a very long time...I totally got over him, he got some kind of attitude problem too weird to explain. Geez...I have wasted 2 years of my youth on him should have got over him a long time ago instead now...Made more friends now life for me is so-so, but there is still lots of things I hope I can fufill for now...For now I hope I could contact Jack again and secondly the most important I hope my best friend could get over someone and move on, it really hurts me to see her like this, she in a very weakling state, very depress and very sad no words can explain how she feels...I hope I could torture and kill that bloody fucking two timming bastard. Because of this kind of guys makes the world male population superbly degraded, they behaves more like an animal than human...More like dogs...So...Now what I can do is just to console her and be by her side and also to pray for her, but I always seemed so terribly useless she is as sad and depress as always...I think I am as useless as good as trash...I am getting weird these days, I am beginning to fall in love with Jazz, Big Band music and also the fashion style from the morden retro era mostly from the after before world war and after world war II period. Bye...

Yeah I feel good! I got rid of him!

Finally I got over it...This is my finally got over ok...And due to lots of complications, I really see him through and I think he is mean. I did not mean it that way, because its my habit of typing that...I ended it like that... Actually I meant another meaning and I am always not good with words, I wanted to tell him but...I do not have a chance to...So I guess it is the end of it! To forget him and to keep him away from my mind I deleted him away from my Msn contacts! YAY! So...Today can be a quite interesting day to me, someone confessed that he likes me. So anyway, I would like to be friend but not into BGR relationship because relationship is very complicated...And I never had a first love, so my first love I want it to be perfect. I know there ain't perfect I think it is more of ideal for me...And most of all friends last forever unlike BG relationships it start happily and ends sadly and awkardly most of the time yea? To my opinion...I'm drinking beer now hmmm...Don't worry it has very little percentage of alcohol in it! Anyway felt more happy this year making new friends like Neal and the Salty Boy! I don't know why I feel so good?! Heh heh! By the way went out with Muii and had lots of fun! But due to the time constrain I had to go early, we had Sake Sushi's Buffet and ate alot, seriously alot!~ I can't take dinner after that hah! Wish me luck for a better tomorrow!

Math is fun...?

Got math tuition today, enjoyed it unlike the past I hated math alot...Maybe the sense of accomplishment after solving sums...Anyway, updating stuffs... and chatting with my friends at the same time... Made chicks with pipe cleaners for my cousin, and she thinks it is cute, yeah ugly and adorable at the same time. Weirdly my msn disconnected by itself, by the way the Msn 7.0 beta version is really cool! There are winks...and really neat features! ...There is not much to say for today, but I had a good time over here... I meant at my cousin house noticing the changes taking place. Bye!

These days...

Quite and interesting day today, got art lessons(my fav lesson)...The thing I don't like about art is that the art teacher keeps on gives us lectures about art theory and stuffs which makes me bored and eventually makes me fall asleep. Anyway today school ended two lessons ealier for every thursday. Meet my mum at Toa Payo for lunch but I have already taken mine ealier on, bought some stuffs and grocceries.

Sometimes, it is a great feeling to fall for that special someone...
You will try to know him/her better and get closer to that special someone...
Hoping that you would also be somewhere special in he/her heart...
The sad thing for people like me...
Fears to confess how I feel...
Fearing the awkardness...
It hurts me though...
Maybe its very wrong of me to fall for him...
Breaking free from him I still adore him as much as before...
Because he is all I ever wanted...Or maybe not?

Happy New Year!~ I guess I'm a little late...

Sorry that I haven't been blogging since 29th December...I have lots to say...So here we go...Firstly I have been falling in and outta love with that someone secretly, now I have got over it, that is something that I am really happy about...Secondly, I am finally outta sadistic thoughts and stuffs like cutting arm...My family and I are great again...Maybe I have become more matured? More filial towards my parents? The greatest achievements I did was that I stopped using vulgaraties in my conversations. Anyway, thanks Jack for the dinner! I sorta enjoyed it...no it's fun! And thanks Becky and Hazimah for hanging out with me...Both of you are my best and true friends for already 8 years! I L-O-V-E you both!

Conclusion for year 2004
*I became a new person
*Put in more faith in someone above
*Passed my 'N' level exam
*Promotion day
*Made more friends(Muii,Jasper,JiaPing,Lenz,HouYun)
*Got computer fixed
*Got outta satanic and sadistic thoughts
*Love my family more
Near Year's Resolution
*Be a better person
*Make it a habit to say my prayers in every morning
*Work Very Hard
*Get into Nanyang poly
*hopefully get a ideal Knight in Shining armor~

Last Few Words before signing out......

To Jack......
Thanks Jack for the last twos years its really great and cool to have you as my friend. And please don't forget me after you go to Australia for your studies! And don't forget to write!(Go get some blonde bombshells will ya?!)

To my parents......
Its really fast how sixteen years have passed, thanks for you support economically, morally and physically. You both brought me back to the right way when I was lost, gave me unconditional love...*Huggies~*

To my best friends & somewhat close friends
Thank you all for being with me...Though there is lots of complications...Without you I would be lost in space! Especially to my lovable babes -> Becky and Zimah lots of kisses and huggies for you both ok!